i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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