If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
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Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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