I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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