all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize