Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
