your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
