I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
