butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I am puke
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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