we have officially lost it.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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