your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
