i jhust puked up my retainher.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
