He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
