Just cropdusted the office
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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