I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
