But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
