Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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