i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
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In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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