Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
