Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
