Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
