grandma shit on top of the toilet
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
