I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Randomize
