Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
