I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
