New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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