The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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