Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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