Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
