1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize