he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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