I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
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I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
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Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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