WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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