So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He called his prostate his "boner button".
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
