we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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