dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
