She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
