Is it normal to miss your booty call?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
