how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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