he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I need to calm my uterus...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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