pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
