Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
