spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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