look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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