and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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