Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
