I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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