he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
