I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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