Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
