Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Four minutes until I can fart!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
