Your face is a jimmy john
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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