I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
