Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
