It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
