how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
