This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
