I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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