if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
