Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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