The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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