Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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