My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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