My girlfriend figured out who you are.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
