There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
