Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
