Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
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they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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