Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
