We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize