but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
