Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
