She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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