So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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