I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
