I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
