ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
