The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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