I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i used baking grease as lip gloss
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
