the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
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I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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