we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
