1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
