worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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