what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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