he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
