How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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