So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
