I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
