hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
it's like iHOP with fire
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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